Thank you so much for inviting me to
speak to you tonight. I’m honored to be here with you, and as I look out over
your lovely faces I am overwhelmed with memories of so many of you. Maybe it
was from a class together, or a forum, or a chat in the cafeteria or the
hallways of Mills. Maybe it was backstage at Miss Hendrix, or taking a trip
together, or seeing you perform at Shirttails. You all look fabulous to me
tonight – maybe it’s the comparison!
When Pamela Owen said I could speak to
you about anything tonight, I confess I was a little bit stumped. What could
seniors, finally done with classes and all those requirements, possibly want to
hear me say? I was reminded of my own mindset when graduating from college.
What was ringing through my ears was a line from an Indigo Girls song – maybe
some of you saw them here your sophomore year. In “Closer to Fine,” they sing,
“I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper and I was free!”
When I graduated from college, I was so relieved – so very, very done. Of
course, I’d had classes I liked, lessons I had loved, and professors I adored,
but I. Was. DONE. In fact, I wouldn’t set foot on any college campus for years, not just my alma mater. I was afraid
someone might see me and mistake me for a college student when I clearly was not a college student
anymore. Funny that now I am a college professor and spend every working day on
campus! Who knows where you will wind up.
What I did after
graduation, though, was drive across the country with college friends – five of
us in van – to a place where none of us had ever been. We got terrible jobs,
but we lived together, and slowly but surely more of our college gang migrated
to us. I didn’t want college anymore, but I wanted my community, and I kept it.
In fact, all of that crowd is still in close touch. We called each other our
“family of choice.” We fought like crazy at times, but that didn’t matter. We
had made each other in important ways.
Tonight, you stand
at the edge of a new reality. Tomorrow, your families will be swooping in,
taking you out to dinner, helping you pack with any luck, and in general taking
you away from Hendrix. You might be really ready to go, as I was, but tonight I
invite you to embrace this moment together. Not with me, or the other faculty
here, or the staff members who you will miss dearly, but with each other. Take
a moment to look at each other right now. The person sitting next to you or
across from you is probably someone who made you into the person you are today.
You have probably suffered together over a test, a paper, or even a thesis. You
may have laughed uncontrollably some late night, or taken an impromptu trip
together – even if it was to Walmart. These people watched as your confidence
grew, as you became the person you want to be, and held you up when that
confidence flagged. Now, take a look at the other tables, friends and
acquaintances farther away. They made you too, and the truth is that you share
more experiences than you could name.
One of the things
I have had to acknowledge over the years is that I know Hendrix only in partial
ways. No matter how many years I’ve taught here, I have never lived here. I’ve
never eaten most of my meals on campus. Hendrix is not my home – but it is
yours. We sometimes have complicated relationships to home, but they are places
we know well. We know secrets about our homes – the brick that trips you, the
pathways that always flood in the rain, hiding places, the best places to avoid
studying when we want to look like we are studying. We have secret names for
our home too. You all share that with each other, and truly, you share that
with this group and no other, because time surely transforms this place. When
you come into my classroom, I see only the side you show me. I know only part
of you, but the people around you right now know much more.
I know many of you
talk about the Hendrix bubble, and you are about to break out of that bubble.
Some of you are ready for more schooling, others are ready to make money,
others just need a break. All of those are great choices! What I didn’t know
when I took my break, though, was that the world around me wasn’t taking a
break. The issues I’d passionately studied in school were still happening.
Taking a position in class is one thing, and taking a position in life is
another. At Hendrix, you know that someone
is going to speak up about most campus issues – maybe it doesn’t have to be
you. But you are about to disperse, and you are likely to be the one who needs
to stand up in some situation very soon. I remember when a graduate of Hendrix
in my department visited with me and reported that she was dealing with sexism
in her workplace. Despite studying sociology and anthropology, it was still a
huge shock to her. She couldn’t believe that this could still happen!
I hope that as you
leave here – the beautiful and confident people I see before me tonight – that
you will take the bravery that you have cultivated here and use it in our world.
Disrupt the cultural norm that encourages silence and complacency! Challenge
the indifference to others and our planet that people so often demonstrate with
the kindness that I have seen you show to each other. I want to remind you of
something Miranda July – who also visited here when you were sophomores – said
in an interview. She said she had always been terrified of being bored when
talking to a stranger. But, she said, “There’s always something interesting
about them. They’ve had sex with someone, they’ve done something bad, they are
interested in something you can relate to. There’s no law about asking
questions.” I encourage you to engage with your world, meet people who you
might not normally approach, take that risk!
You do not know
the challenges you will face after college, but you do have a community to
support you. Your growth, your learning, your transformation is not over. It
has been my privilege to get to know you over the last four years, but it will
also be my privilege and pleasure to see how you change after you leave, to
welcome you back to campus when you are ready. Share your obstacles and
victories with us, this community that cares for you. Know that Hendrix will
always have a place for you.