Hendrix Parent Blog

My Grandmother used to always tell me that as you get older, time goes by faster and faster.  I would listen politely and thought I was hearing the repetitive chatter of a sweet old lady.  Little did I know, what she was actually doing was trying to prepare me for the day when time started picking up its tempo.

As I look back at my last blog, from mid-September, I realize that she was right. Time is moving faster!  Since my last post we have been back up to Hendrix twice to see Grace.  We attended Family Weekend the end of September, and we visited the last weekend in October for the 41^st Hendrix Diving & Swimming Classic and the 46^th Hendrix Diving and Swimming Relays.

It’s hard to believe that the kids have been in school for just over three months already, and they are looking ahead at their first finals. The “Honeymoon” seems to be over, and the real work has begun.

Let’s go back. First, to Family Weekend...it was so exciting to get to see our daughter for the first time since she had left for school.  The campus was alive with activities and smiling parents and students.  The kids still seemed to be feeling the euphoria of leaving home for the first time and coming to college to be on their own.  They even seemed to like to flaunt the fact that they could make their own decisions about things, like making their beds (or not), cleaning their rooms and wearing slippers outside. They were on their own!

We tried to take in as many activities and events as we could and still spend some time with Grace.  One thing I did not do in advance, and soon realized was a mistake, was finding out who my daughter’s professors were and what classes (exactly) she was taking so we could sit in on a class and get an idea of what she is up against.  We did sit in on an English literature class, that we picked at random, and it was fun to see the kids interact with the professor.  Being a science major, I was a little out of my element, but Fred knew the works they were discussing in class.  I did realize, as I sat there trying to figure out what it was all about, that the students at Hendrix are a very smart, articulate and enlightened group.  And the professor was well versed in getting the kids engaged and exploring their thoughts. It made me excited that Grace was a part of this college community.

There were many, many fun things we did and saw during this visit, including going to a reception at President Cloyd’s house and attending the worship service in Greene Chapel, but one thing I have to point out was something most people wouldn’t have been so excited about.  The cafeteria.  It was the greatest!  We took most of our meals away from campus, as a special treat for Grace, and when we walked into the cafeteria for our first meal, which was delicious, I was taken back by the beautiful fall decorations.  There were decorations hanging from the ceiling, in every corner, on every counter top and above every serving area. I had to stop and grab my camera.  You see I have decorated our home for the holidays since the kids were little, and I was feeling bad that Grace would miss this little tradition.  But the cafeteria ladies came through. Besides providing my daughter with delicious healthy meals, they kept up “our” tradition and decorated for the holidays.

As our first visit came to an end, I realized that I felt differently than I did when we left Grace the first time.  I was content in knowing that she had picked a great school that she felt comfortable and a part of, and she had a good support system of friends and teammates.  So, as we said our good-byes, I was surprised that our daughter’s eyes welled up with tears.  Luckily she had a friend with her so I knew she wouldn’t be alone when we left. As we drove off, I knew she’d be OK and that in a few minutes she’d be back to her life.  College life.

Our next visit was a family affair.  Fred and I took Walker out of school for a day, and we all went up to watch Grace swim that weekend. He could hardly wait to see his big sister again.  As soon as we got to campus, I realized that, as fall had ushered itself in, things had changed.  The kids had settled into a steady cadence, the manic euphoria had gone, and everyone seemed to be more relaxed and mature somehow.

It was Halloween day and there was a buzz around campus about the dance that night but also the realization lingered that a terrible event had occurred on the UCA campus just a few nights before.

We all enjoyed this visit thoroughly with the leaves in every color you can imagine and the cool fall weather, and I came to realize that our daughter did know that she had come to college to study. She has come up against some challenges and has figured out how to manage them for herself. She has found her way and is marching up the path she has chosen. It was hard for me to comprehend that all of this could have happened so quickly. Then I remembered...like my grandmother said, time is going faster.

I hope everyone has a joyous and safe Holiday Season!

 

…..it is now officially fall.  This is one of my favorite times of the year.  The weather cools (here in Texas it gets all the way down to the 90’s) and the leaves change and the squirrels get really busy and football is back! Yay!

But this year fall is going to be a little different for us here in the Cumpian household. It has now been over thirty days since we left Gracie at college to find her own way and things seem to be going well for her. She seems to have settled in well and stays very busy with classes, swim practice and friends.

To us fall has always been a time of year when the family huddles around the TV to watch football and eat snacks together. This year we’ll be down one screaming, foam- finger-waving, queso-eating, burnt-orange-wearing fan.

Here at home it seems that we have finally figured out what our positions in the family are now that there are just the three of us, and the two dogs.  Fred and Walker usually stick together and override me on what TV shows to watch and on pizza toppings and the dogs have to work a little bit harder for attention now that there is one less pair of hands around to pet them. 

The low grade anxiety that seemed to be constantly present after we drove away from Hendrix in mid-August has faded away and we have relaxed back into a routine that is surprisingly comfortable.  I think that Grace can also feel the difference in us and is more relaxed and open when we talk.  She even calls me sometimes while she’s walking between classes just to chat for a moment or sends me a text just to check in on me.

Last week I finally got up the nerve to ask her the big question.  She was telling me all about her classes and swim practice and was feeling very good about everything so I went ahead and asked her. “So, do you think you made the right choice about college?”  Without hesitation she said yes, then went on to tell me how she and her roommate had just had a conversation about this same subject the night before. They discussed how they both had a lot of second thoughts over the summer and were nervous when they got to campus to move in but now they feel so lucky to be at Hendrix and to be roommates.  They feel like they were meant to be there.
 
So, as fall begins we look ahead with anticipation about what the rest of the school year will bring for us.  Next weekend is Family Weekend at Hendrix and Fred and I will be there for it.  I’m looking forward to meeting Grace’s new friends and seeing her interact in her college environment. She has talked about so many different people and I’d like to put some faces with the names. 

I’m hoping to sit in on some classes to see how things have changed since my college experience, back in the olden days.  And we will get to see her compete in her first athletic competition of the year, an inter-squad swim meet in the new natatorium.

I’m also looking forward to seeing the change in the beautiful Hendrix campus as fall tiptoes in.

As I said earlier, fall has always been a favorite time of the year for me, a time to look ahead in anticipation and a time to look back and be thankful for the bounty that has come my way. And this year I have much to reflect on and be thankful for.

 Happy Fall!

Welcome to our first blogging experience. Apologies in advance if this is dreadfully boring, but here goes….

Let’s start with introductions. I’m Rob Recobs. My wife, Charlene, and I have one son, Joshua-Daniel (a.k.a. JD) who is a sophomore.  We reside in Montclair, NJ, about twelve miles west of Manhattan and 15 minutes from GIANTS Stadium.  Char and I are seriously over-scheduled empty-nesters except for a very large golden retriever, Riley, who’s way too smart for his own good. 

Char and I are transplanted Midwesterners. We have been here for over 30 years, but refuse to give up our roots.  JD is a Jersey boy and a real NYC kid.

All of us (except Riley) are thrilled that JD attends Hendrix. He worked hard last year, did very well in his studies and learned about the demands of  NCAA sports.  We provided some words of wisdom before he left home:  “You are a student-athlete. That’s a student FIRST, then an athlete.  If you aren’t the former, you won’t be the latter…and we decide.”  We don’t worry, JD is focused and has his priorities very much in order. 

JD and his friends are finding out that college starts to move you out of your comfort zone.  Instead of sports camps and trips to the shore (that’s ‘Jersey’ for beach), he had an internship where he got his first taste of office life with real deadlines and responsibilities.  Also, he had some DJ gigs which are ongoing wherever he happens to be.  And he trained and trained.

His all-time life-changing experience this summer was a mission trip to Peru. Last year JD applied for a Hendrix-Lilly scholarship to travel to Peru with a group from Hendrix.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t selected because this wonderful trip filled up fast.  He wasn’t discouraged.  Our local Presbyterian church has been a long-term supporter of missionaries in Pisco, Peru.  Pisco was near the epicenter of a massive earthquake one year ago.  Pisco was destroyed in under three minutes.

JD was on the very first volunteer team to enter Pisco since that disaster.  Their objective was to work side-by-side with local craftsmen to start rebuilding seven churches and to minister to the children.  A team of over thirty people (ranging from late teens to over 60) from our community signed up.  Hendrix awarded JD an Odyssey Grant to participate.

Unless you’ve been there, the catastrophic aftermath of any natural disaster is hard for most anyone to imagine. This is no different.  Pisco looks like a war zone; the ground zero of Peru.  Little has changed since the earthquake one year ago where entire families were lost and homes destroyed. The ‘refugees’ here are your neighbors.  Life is hard. Yet, the people of Pisco have lost neither their joy nor their hope.  Counting your blessings?

During their two weeks in Pisco the team did some truly foundational work: clearing rubble, leveling the ground and pouring concrete.  JD raised funds at home and brought lacrosse equipment to introduce the game to the Peruvian children via mini-camps.  The team left with the local people almost all their belongings – including their shoes.  While the actual work done by Team Pisco made a small, but visible difference in the local landscape, their efforts encouraged the people giving them hope for better days ahead.  For JD this isn’t over. He and other members of Team Pisco will continue to raise awareness and raise funds to get the people of Pisco the help they deserve.  He intends to return.

The point: Hendrix is a great school.  The Odyssey programs provide wonderful opportunities for Hendrix students which are not limited to those ‘invented here.’  If a student has a dream, can design his or her own Odyssey, Hendrix can offer you a chance to make it come true and to change your life by learning on many different levels.

What a great place!

Very kind regards,

Rob and Charlene Recobs

It has now been over 2 weeks since I left my daughter at Hendrix to start her first year of college. (Fifteen days to be exact.) Things have changed in many ways. My feelings don’t seem to be so open and raw, and I’m not afraid I’m going to cry at the drop of a hat anymore.

We’ve tried to give her a lot of room and communicate with her only if she initiates it, but sometimes that doesn’t work very well and we get in touch with her first.

It sounds like the kids at school have been very busy. The other night they had “Shirttails” which apparently was a lot of work to prepare for, but the kids really enjoyed it. So now it seems the school year has really started.

I’ve spent most of the last two weeks reminding myself that I’ve had my chance, 18 years worth, to sculpt and mold my daughter into the person I think she should be. Now my job is pretty much done, and the rest is up to her. She may not go about it the same way I would, and she will make mistakes, but she is now ready to take on her own life. I’ll still be here to listen, support and offer suggestions if she needs it, but for the most part, it’s up to her now.

As I said, I’m spending a lot of time reminding myself of that. Letting go doesn’t seem to be coming very naturally to me. Sometimes I wish I could be like the prairie dog and just run my youngster out of my burrow to find her own way, when the time comes, and then turn around, go back into my burrow and forget about her; but my instincts don’t seem to work that way. I have, on occasion, had some short-lived feelings of liberation, thinking about the fact that I now have less on my plate. I even enjoy the thought that I can go back to spending more time focusing on the things I like to do and less time sitting at athletic events or school volunteer jobs. But those moments of freedom are soon pushed aside by my feeling of not knowing how it is all going to turn out. I guess this is what makes life so interesting…the not knowing, the wonder.

I have learned a few valuable lessons in the last two weeks. 1) A package from home pretty much results in a friendly call home from your student. If you don’t ask too many questions when they call, it will stay friendly, and they will tell you more. 2) They seem to enjoy communicating more via text message. (I learned how to do it, and I’m not very technically adept.) It seems they can communicate with you without interfering with whatever else they are doing, pretty much, and none of their friends have to know they are talking to their mom, or what they are talking about. These facts seem to make it a preferable form of communication for a college student.

So, as I look back on the last couple of weeks, I realize that I have learned a lot and have come a long way from where I was in the middle of August. And I’m not even the student. So with that in mind… think of how fair our kids have already come.

Welcome to my blog. My name is Sandy Cumpian and I live in Austin, TX with my husband, Fred, my son, Walker and our dogs, Luke and Alex.

Until a week ago our daughter, Grace, also lived here in Austin with us but now she is a freshman at Hendrix College.

I’ve been asked to write this blog to give a “parent’s” perspective on sending a child off to their freshman college experience. I’m not a writer by profession; I’m a nurse who has spent most of the last 18 years being a mom. So please forgive me if my blog is a little “rough around the edges.”

On Monday the 18^th the whole family, minus the dogs, left Austin to make the 534 mile drive to Conway, Arkansas to deliver our oldest child to college. We were in two cars because Grace was taking her car to college and we needed to take the truck to haul all her stuff.

We spent Monday night at a local hotel and no one got much sleep. All four of us were thinking about the change that was about to happen in our lives. I remembered something that I was told years ago by someone I admire and respect, “change is painful, even good change.” So with that in mind I decide I was feeling just the way I was supposed to for such an occasion.

On Tuesday morning we all got up and went to Stoby’s restaurant for breakfast then went to Veasey Dorm and it was still only 7:30am. We still have 30 minutes before they would start handing out the room keys. We had parked Grace’s car, full to the top with her stuff, the night before right in front of the dorm so we could have a close spot to unload.

After Grace got her key Fred and Walker started moving stuff in and I stood in the middle of the room not knowing where to start or if I should start. I kept reminding myself, “This is Grace’s room it’s not my place to arrange and set everything up. This room needs to be comfortable for her not me.” This was hard for me as I’m a caretaker and a fixer. So I did my best to stand back and ask for direction from her on what needed to be done.

(It seemed like it took forever to actually get into her dorm room then the rest of our time at the Hendrix Family Orientation flew by in a blur.)

I remember Tuesday afternoon when the room was as complete as we could get it, after 4 hours and several trips to Wal-mart and Target, Grace seemed to kind of run out of gas. She was tired, overwhelmed and hungry. I was afraid that the reality of her leaving home was hitting her and she was unsure of her decision. Granted, Hendrix was the one and only college she wanted to go to. But now it was really happening.

So, we took her off campus for a nutritious dinner that included a lot of water and a chance for the four of us to sit down together in a quiet place with few distractions. After she ate she seemed like the old Gracie again so I was encouraged.

Next was the Convocation which was the most uplifting and inspirational event I could have imagined. It was filled with real information and funny anecdotes that made me realize Hendrix understood what it was like for me to leave my child with them for the next four years and they wanted me to know they were up to the task. I think every parent and child that walked out of the Convocation felt energized and ready to go. We left Grace to head off to her dorm meeting and the three of us headed back to the hotel. (Reality was setting in.)

Wednesday morning Fred and I headed back to the college for coffee and breakfast. Walker stayed at the hotel and devoured the breakfast buffet and caught up on his TV watching. (We did not try to contact Grace on her phone because we figured it was a good time to start giving her more space. She knew how to get in touch with us is she needed something.) Grace had breakfast with the RAs and then her Spanish placement exam so Fred and I went to the parent lectures on, “Letting Go,” and “Understanding the First College Year.” This is a must for every parent in my book. It not only brought up some good points we hadn’t already thought about it also affirmed the things we did think about and had handled correctly. It was so great to see how many other parents were going through the same stuff we were and it helped us to know what the expectations of us, as parents, were in communication with the college about our child and any concerns we might have.

(Repeat after me… I will not be a helicopter parent.)

Before our meeting was over Grace was texting us trying to find out where we were. She went with her dad to get her little brother, while I shopped in the bookstore, then we all met for lunch at Hulen Hall. (In case you don’t know yet Hendrix has the best dining hall food!)

The minute we got in line we all felt the pressure of knowing this would be the last meal we’d have together for awhile. It was sad but I kept telling myself that this is what Fred and I have been working so hard to accomplish for the past 18 years. I should be rejoicing that my beautiful daughter had gotten into such a wonderful school with so much opportunity and support and that with our guidance she was ready to take on the challenge of starting her life away from our home. In my head I knew all of this was true but my heart was still hurting.

Fred and I had decided ahead of time that after lunch we would say our goodbyes and head home. I felt I had to be strong because Fred had been telling me for weeks how hard it was going to be to let his” little girl” go and Walker is very close to his sister and ,even though at six foot two he’s almost a foot taller than she is, he looks up to her. He will miss her dearly.

So, after lunch, I hugged her, told her I loved her and was proud of her and asked her when she wanted me to call her. To my surprise she said to call her when we got home that night. Fred then Walker said their farewells then the three of us walked to the truck with tears welled up in our eyes trying to all fit under one umbrella and avoiding the big puddles. (Every student at Hendrix should have rain boots.)

As we headed back down south Walker spent his time sprawled across the back seat with his headphones on intermittently looking out the window and sleeping. Fred drove and I sat in the passenger seat. It was raining hard off and on which seemed appropriate for the day. We talked about how much different it was going to be and questioned if we had done enough to prepare her to go out on her own. Did we teach her everything she needed to know to stay safe and make all her own decisions? She seemed to be really having fun there; did she know she was also going to have to study? We talked on and on first one of us supporting the other then switching places. I still hadn’t cried. I was staying strong I had prepared myself well.

With only a couple of hours left until we got home Fred and I had fallen silent for a few moments when he said,” Hey, look behind us. Maybe it’s a sign.” When I looked I saw a bright rainbow stretched out behind us. It put a smile on my face.

We both agreed we would consider it a sign, a positive one.

We finally pulled back into our driveway about 9:30pm on Wednesday night and as the garage door went up I realized that with all my preparation in getting myself ready for Grace to leave for college I had forgotten something. I wasn’t prepared to see her parking spot empty in the garage. It stunned me. I went about unloading the truck and making sure Walker got to bed then I cried. After that I started feeling better.

By Thursday I felt even better and day by day things improved and the reports I would occasionally get from Grace were positive. So now, here we are a week later and I know that we did prepare our daughter well. She’s outgoing, athletic, smart and happy and we left her in a place where they will continue our work and she will be guided and nurtured and will come out of there a confident adult that is ready to go out into the world.

Thank you Hendrix.